My therapist asked me to introduce
and describe myself
to the trauma group in three words and I found my tongue
struggling to form something appropriate.
"Hi my name is Courtney, and.."
To say I was strong would be a lie,
because there are times when I’m very weak
and I prefer it that way.
To say I was brave would also be a lie,
because there’s things I’ve never told anyone,
that show my cowardice
behind my bold actions.
A girl with pretty, round blue eyes
and hands folded in her lap
says, “I’ll go… hello my name is…”
she states her name and says she is
funny and smart and kind.
She looks funny and smart and kind.
I find myself wondering about her childhood,
who the people were that created her,
her brothers and sisters, if she had any.
It’s really not possible to describe ourselves in three words.
Could I describe to you all of my heartbreaks,
loneliness, and anger
by saying I was “sweet”?
I’d rather tell you how I like
to think of myself as poetry,
the calligraphy of the sharpness of my scars
crisp letters for you to read.
I’d rather tell you that there is nothing
more beautiful than hearing about
the lives of other people,
the carwrecks they were in, the blankets their grandmothers
stitched with their shaky fingers
just to keep them warm at nights as child,
the eyes of their mother,
the times they felt broken and the times
they felt like they were flying.
"Smart", "nice", "funny", "strong",
these words are like the outlining of antique books,
locking away something much more
interesting and beautiful.
My therapist laughed when I told him this,
raised his grey eyebrows
and asked the man next to me to introduce himself.
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat,
saying, “My name is…”
and then proceeded to tell us why orange
was his favorite color and I must say
none of us in the room had ever thought about the color
orange that way,
and it made my entire soul warm with happiness.
The red surface of an apple does not look like a matrix of molecules reflecting photons at certain critical wavelengths, but that is what it is. The sound of a flute does not sound like a sinusoidal compression wave train in the atmosphere, but that is what it is. The warmth of the summer air does not feel like the mean kinetic energy of millions of tiny molecules, but that is what it is. If one’s pains and hopes and beliefs do not introspectively seem like electrochemical states in a neural network, that may only be because of our faculty of instrospection, like our other senses, is not sufficiently penetrating to reveal such hidden details
Question with 1 note
Anonymous asked: Penis pump or butt dildo?
To be honest, the concept of the penis pump is something that just bemuses me. I’m not going to mock, though - each to their own, etc. I’m not necessarily averse to the use of sex toys for my butt, I simply have never tried any, and therefore have no experience from which to determine whether I enjoy the use of them. I’d probably be open to trying them, I’m by and large a sexually open person.
Question with 2 notes
Anonymous asked: What health problems do you have?
The list, both physical and psychological: type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, shattered knee that never healed properly, damaged nerves in hands and lower arms, also damaged nerves in calves and feet, severe insomnia, sleep paralysis, extremely severe clinical depression, asthma, incredibly terrible eyesight, digestive problems (suspected to be a combination of lactose intolerance and colitis, but uncertain as my GP doesn’t give enough of a shit to investigate), crippled immune system (casually referred to as NSID, stands for “non-specific immune disorder”, which I’m guessing is more of a local nickname than any kind of actual diagnosis, and just reflects the fact that nobody knows what the warpdamned fuck is responsible for it), stress-reactive weight changes (IE, I drop weight like absolute fucking crazy when I’m under heavy stress, this is not at all healthy as I already have to eat notably more than the average person just to maintain a healthy weight), predilection toward addiction, particularly opiates (although for some reason not a problem with tobacco, who knows?). I don’t think that’s everything, but it’s most of it. The epilepsy and the depression are by far the worst, they’re severe enough that either one alone would be enough to render me completely nonfunctional if I were not so stubbornly determined to keep promises. I should probably also mention here that the last time I had sleep that was actually restful to any extent beyond the absolute minimum needed in order to not die was in June of 2012. Suspected to be due to seizures in my sleep, but again, we’re uncertain because my GP is too apathetic to do anything about it in any sense whatsoever despite this having been going on for almost a year and a half now, and my having gone to see him specifically over this issue at least half a dozen times.
Anyway, this is a horrible wall of words that’ll probably be a right bloody nightmare to read, and for that I apologise. If you’d like me to expand upon anything in particular, just ask - I’m generally willing to discuss such things openly.
Mental health problems are, y’know, health problems. Treat them the same way, or shut up.
YES I NEED FOR EVERYONE TO SEE THIS
this is relevant
I have tried explaining this to people more times than I can count. I’m considered a wordsmith by many, but this is an area where I seem to fall short. I can never convince anyone.
Post with 8 notes
In true Whovian style, I’m currently watching Doctor Who while eating fish fingers and custard. Which, incidentally, is every bit as delicious as Eleven implied… how odd. Sadly, it’s series 1, rather than series 5, but it’ll do.
I think this might become a regular thing for me.
Tomomichi Morifuji (2013)
1. The Surface of Bronze-gold Water
2. The Surface of Black Water
Looking at this, I can’t help assuming this is in fact art of the Emperor of Mankind in his pre-corpse days.
Edit: source, as provided by a friend of mine: http://director-16.deviantart.com/art/Ascencion-368140002
While the image description suggests it probably isn’t the Emperor, there is a whole pile of shit (some original to the DA user, some not, from what I gather) and quite an impressive number of them look like they could be from one or another aspect of the 40k universe. I suspect the artists were probably influenced, knowingly or otherwise, by WH40k art. I could be wrong, of course, but that’s what seems most probable to me.
Dark Tower companion pieces by Michael Whelan based on the first line of Stephen King’s The Gunslinger: ”The Man in Black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.”
THE GUNSLINGER: THE MAN IN BLACK (2005)
Oil on Canvas - 25” x 40”
Ever since Michael Whelan read that first line of the first book, he was waiting for the opportunity to paint it. The overcolored sky has a hallucinatory quality which is evocative of the dreamlike feeling of the story. (Michael also confessed that he wore a similar robe for much of the time he was painting this scene.)
THE GUNSLINGER FOLLOWED (2005)
Oil on Canvas - 25” x 40”
The second half of the first line in the first book. The 2 characters couldn’t be in the same painting because it’s not until they are out of the desert that they come within sight of each other, so he split the sentence into 2 paintings. Michael has said that this is the closest to what he thinks Roland looks like - dogged, grim, with an indomitable sense of mission.
I’ve seen a thousand different interpretations of these two characters. While I’ve never been a huge fan of Michael Whelan’s version of the Man in Black - not that I don’t think it’s good and well-painted, just that it looks vastly different from how I picture the character in my head - his version of Roland Deschain of Gilead is by far the closest to my mental image of the Gunslinger of any version I’ve seen. When people ask me about the character, Michael’s painting is usually the first thing I point to.
No tags because Tumblr is failing really badly at the moment, I may update this post later on if that changes…
- Originally posted at Penelope Bagieu’s blog
"Water makes up 98% of the Earth’s volume." Haha, nope. The Earth’s voume is somewhere on the order of 1.08 trillion cubic km. The volume of all of earth’s oceans is around 1.3 billion cubic km. Seeing as that’s blatantly wrong, I’d like to know what kind of metric they’re using for “volume.” Surface volume? That doesn’t make much sense. Surface area? Then that number should be 71%. Please inform me.
Also, it’s terrible how the author of this comic just writes off that high school girl (regardless of how terrible her attitude is), as she honestly believes that life is wholly dependent on photosynthesis. It isn’t, at least not everywhere, and no, there isn’t light at the bottom of the ocean. I’ll clear that up.
There are these things called hydrothermal vents. They’re essentially cracks in the crust of the Earth where geothermally heated water flows. They’re commonly found near areas with volcanic activity. In areas with these hydrothermal vents, there are these incredible biologic communities with a density of organisms 10,000 to 100,000 times greater than that of the surrounding ocean floor. Many of these organisms depend on chemoautotrophic bacteria. What’s special about these guys is that they use a process called chemosynthesis, to use dissolved minerals in the hydrothermal water to produce organic material. Other organisms then feed off of this material (a good example would be giant tube worms), and the ecosystem is sustained.
Going back to the Giant Siphonophore, the distinction of “largest” depends on more factors than just length. It’s true that Praya dubia is the longest known organism, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to the 190,000 kilos of the Blue Whale.
The rest of it is true, no complaints. Bottom trawling is a horrible practice 95% of damage to seamount ecosystems was caused by it.
(I don’t think this comic’s intended audience was people with an interest in marine biology.)
Also the font is really obnoxious and difficult to read in places. :(
Many thanks to Aperture for the corrections though!
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